What Are You Really Fighting About?

Counseling Skills and Tools

James 4 says conflicts come from desires at war within us. This course teaches counselors to trace a conflict below the surface disagreement to what each person wants, and to help them shift focus from winning the argument to honoring God. The tutor plays one party in a conflict so you can practice the diagnosis in conversation.

1 hour

10 units

2 sections

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What You'll Work Through

Each unit is a conversation, not a page to read. The tutor asks you to explain, apply, and work with the material until it holds.

Chapter 1: Conflict Beneath the Surface

Section 1.1: What Conflict Really Is

Conflict as opportunity, not accident
Conflict comes from passions warring within, not circumstances without
The three responses to conflict: peacefaker, peacebreaker, peacemaker

Section 1.2: Three Types of People in Conflict

Peacefakers, Peacebreakers, and Peacemakers as three responses to conflict
The ruling passions behind each conflict type

Chapter 2: Diagnosing and Redirecting

Section 2.1: The Six Questions for Wading Into Conflict

The first three diagnostic questions: approaching, discerning motive, and testing for distortion
The final three diagnostic questions: weighing words, love, and wisdom
Using the six questions to slow down and target the heart rather than manage the fight

Section 2.2: Habits and Vertical Focus for Peacemaking

Cultivating Humility, Forgiveness, and a Log List Focus in Conflict
Shifting from Horizontal to Vertical Focus in Conflict (James 4)